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Sgt Mattie.

The Late Late Show


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Power 4 Good Ireland
13th Aug 2016

Some call me an auld agitator

Im still writing the notes for the Weekly Eyeopener

The Editor Tim Dillon is delighted with the reaction and phoned me yesterday.
Maurice Ive been inundated with letters texts and phone calls of complaint he said the GAA clubs in Bally and Glengooley will lynch you if you go near them. After what you said about the Heenans theyre threatening to run a candidate against you in the next local elections. Youll be relieved to know that Pee Hogan and the Blue Boys are delighted with the free plug for their album of religious music.
Oh God Tom says I I didnt mean to draw all that trouble on you I suppose Im fired.
Far from it Maurice says he keep up the good work. Youre getting a reaction man which is more than I can say for most of my regular scribblers. Sometimes publishing a local newspaper is like playing handball against a haystack - you get nothing back no reaction I often wonder if people are reading the thing at all or if theyre buying it to fold it up and kill flies with it.
They could be using it for worse I said.
Indeed it doesnt bear thinking about Tim groaned anyway Maurice stay at it. That old adage let sleeping dogs lie is one the newspaper business completely ignores. If a dog is asleep we like nothing better than to wake it up suddenly and violently the more dogs we have barking at the one time the happier we are. Keep it stirred Maurice
With that injunction ringing in my ears I turned to my laptop and opened the list of happenings left by Mary Moloney along with the latest missives forwarded by unsuspecting local activists looking to have their local snippets included in this weeks notes.
Mayor of Honetyne
The 2016 Mayor of Honetyne contest got off to a shaky start last week when only two out of four candidates turned up to be presented to the electorate. Conspicuous by their absence were Tadgh Ranahan and Tony Mooney reputed to have spent the evening in the Drippin Tap in Shronefodda on their way back from Nancy Garveys funeral in Teerawadra. It appears neither man was in any condition to take on the onerous office of Mayor of Honetyne According to Madge Quigley the pair werent fit for an out-office never mind high office.
The two remaining candidates include my fellow councillor Moll Gleeson and local raconteur and amateur historian Donal Dunphy. With some justification the pair are being compared to Hillary and Trump Moll is boring the tails of everyone as she rabbits on about her experience and track record. Meanwhile Dunphy is promising to build a wall between the old graveyard and the new burial ground to keep the blowins out he says Tis bad enough to have them disturbin the livin without them disturbin the dead as well.
The Borrisnangoul National School reunion
The Borrisnangoul National School reunion takes place at the Community Hall on Saturday night next All former pupils are invited.
The school closed in June 1966 when Mary McCarthy withdrew her seven children in protest at what she said was the umpteenth outbreak of lice in the institution .
If we hadnt walked away from the place it would have walked away from us she said. However the experience of creepy crawlies was not lost on her youngest daughter Daphne who is now a leading international expert in the protection of endangered species of mites and termites Independent TDs might need her services after the next election.
Adult dancing
Martha Daly tells me that Social Dancing is back in action at the Naked Swan in Rathbinnis every Monday night starting at 8pm The admission of 10 includes tea fairy cakes and tarts.
The dancing sessions were cancelled a number of months ago. According to Martha the event began to attract the wrong type of client. At that time the functions were known as Adult Dancing sessions she explains but these outsiders began to turn up expecting that the kind of thing that goes on in so-called adult films would go on at our dances. Theyd arrive in various states of dress and undress with chains and leathers and other unmentionable items. We had no option but to close down until things cooled off so to speak
Martha expects all to return to normal now that the event is renamed Social Dancing .
Our first night promises to be wonderful we have Pee Hogan and the Blueboys fresh from the launch of their album of religious music at Knock. Im confident we have put the unfortunate happenings of recent months behind us.
In fairness they were asking for trouble advertising events involving adult dancing followed by fairy cakes and tarts in a venue known as The Naked Swan!