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Sgt Mattie.

The Late Late Show


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Power 4 Good Ireland
30th Jul 2016

Mary Moloney is on holidays

So Im writing the notes for the Weekly Eyopener.

As you know this is a job I take on occasionally and it gets me into all sorts of trouble. I cant resist the temptation to spice up the content and add a bit of colour to it. The potential for devilment is even greater since Mary took over the notes for Glengooley and Honetyne along with Killdicken You could say the prospect of walking myself into serious bother has increased threefold.
Here is a taste of the notes for the three parishes coming up next week.
Heenan Clan get together.
The long-tailed Heenans of Honetyne are organising a clan gathering involving relations from all over Ireland and the globe Members of the clan from as far away as Boston Birmingham and Brisbane are descending on the ancestral family home at Cossatrasna. The Heenan diaspora has been arriving at Shannon and Dublin for the last week with Mary and Tom Heenan busy welcoming their many guests .
Mary tells me she has an exciting programme of events lined up for the visitors these include a day in the bog the art of loading square bales and stone picking on my ancestors fields.
Each night explains Tom we gather for a meal that we call a Taste of the Heenans Members of the clan from different parts of the world will cook their local food for the rest of us. The whole thing will be a lovely experience for them.
Im sure it will Tom Meanwhile youll have the turf home the hay in and the stones picked without as much as having to make a cup of tay for anyone. The Heenans never lost it.
Knock Trip
Bridie Hennessy tells me the last few seats on the annual Glengooley pilgrimage to Knock are selling like ice cream in Lourdes. This year the pilgrims are accompanied by Pee Hogan and the Blueboys who are celebrating the release of a new album of religious songs entitled My Mothers Prayers Protect Me.
If anyone needed a mothers prayers to protect him it was Pee by the time he was fifteen he had mowed his way through the seven deadly sins and Id imagine he has gone back through the list a few times since .
According to sources close to the band Pee had a big job done on the prostate last year which helped concentrated his mind on higher things hence the CD of religious music. Poor auld God the kind of scutter he has to listen to from hoors like Pee Hogan it must make him want to fire a few extra thunderbolts in our general direction.

Match rescheduled
The abandoned Junior B hurling championship match between Glengooley and Bally has been rescheduled for neutral ground at Teerawadra on Saturday evening next Throw-in is at 5pm.
Local Sergeant McKready is deeply concerned at the prospect of more trouble He suggested the match should be played further afield to avoid a repeat of the fracas that caused the first game to be abandoned .
A county board official is reported to have responded that Mars is about the only truly neutral venue where trouble between that Glengooley and Bally might be avoided In my opinion the rivalry between the clubs concerned has the potential to develop into an inter-galactic conflict were they to play it on Mars Jupiter or Uranus .
Sergeant McKready has promised unprecedented levels of security in Teerawadra with Gardai drafted in from as far away as Roscrea. We are leaving nothing to chance well have riot gear paddy wagons and batons at the ready Teerawadra will be like Drumcree on the Twelfth of July by the time Im finished with it he said
Keep Killdicken Clean
Breda Quinn (known to her friends as Superquinn) needs volunteers to help with the annual Keep Killdicken Clean campaign. The campaign kicks off this Saturday morning at 9am on the Borrisnangoul road a place Breda describes as a rubbish tip for the hungry hordes from Shronefodda and Teerawadra .
They come into Killdicken to Sticky Stakelums chip van at the weekends Breda explains and once they hit the Borrisnangoul road on the way back they open their car windows flinging out wrappers and bags and whatever food they have left over.
In fact she continues the crows on the Borrisnangoul road are the best fed in the country theyd nearly talk to you. On a Saturday night theyre lined up on the telephone wires waiting for the shower from Shronefodda and Teerawadra to bring them their suppers from Stickys van .
All (except the crows) are welcome to the Borrisnangoul Road on Saturday morning Please bring plastic bags high-vis jackets and gloves.
Aside from the events mentioned above all is quiet in this neck of the woods